three more.

Remember the 90s. Lately I have been trying to summon my smaller self from then. Kurt Cobain died in April 1994 a few days before my 10th birthday. I called my cousin right away in tears. (She taught me from a young age what I was suppose to be listening to. She made me listen to Bleached first) In my memory she was crying as well, but maybe I am making it up now because I wanted her to be. I could not be torn from the television. MTV was doing a special but the news had footage of his house. I kept thinking how beautiful his house was. I liked how lush it was. I liked the color. And I remember so well footage of that window. The window they kept showing of the room he was in. You could see his foot. And then his body being carried out. It is hard for me to believe I was only 9. My saturdays were mostly spent listening to the radio all day to record my favorite songs that would come on. They were all missing the first few seconds. I would label them in my messy handwriting. I never knew when the tape was running out so songs would be cut in half. This I would only realize too late. It was all very emotional for me. Running back and fourth. Missing songs. Parts of songs. I wish I still had those tapes. I wish it was still the 90s.

So in the end I have been only listening to songs from the 90s and trying to create the perfect 90s playlist. With the intention of maybe getting my childhood back. Some of me back. The pure me. Oddly I remember a lot of the words to a lot of these songs.


I really miss being a child. I really really do.